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Leather Wins over Chocolate in my Emotional Indulgences

My day started too early today because I thought I had to be up to buy P!nk concert tickets, but they didn’t go on sale until tomorrow so that alarm clock that woke me up at 9 am was a bit fruitless. I’m not a morning person; I really have to go out of my way to fix my schedule to adjust for being awake before 10 am. I’ve been working graveyard and night shifts since I was 18 years old and to me, anything before 10 am is considered – the butt crack of dawn.

I decided to hit the gym earlier than normal today, why not do that, get my energy up and then tackle some of the things on my ‘to do’ list Pre Dal-land. I’ve nick named my upcoming trip Dal-land BTW, since I’m flying to Dallas, then Oakland then back to Portland.

So I will admit, I’m a little stressed out right now. OK  I’m a lot stressed out right now. I’m going to share a little, because really, I just need to talk it out for myself and I do that better in writing, so why not share and let others learn from my over compulsive over thinking. Here we go.

It wasn’t just two months ago that my friends and I decided to launch an IndieGoGo Fundraiser to help me try to achieve my next goal of opening my own business as a Personal Trainer focusing on doing in home training sessions with Pre and Post Op Bariatric Surgery patients. That fundraiser suddenly propelled me forward and the next thing I knew we had a sponsor for the Fitness Equipment, and then I got a response from Chris Powell and it light a fire under my butt like you would not believe. I was suddenly even more driven than ever to meet this next goal and achieve this next dream.  The next thing I know I am going to the OAC Convention.

This is where I’m starting to get nervous. This trip to Oakland this month was hardly affordable for me, but I felt it was something I really needed to do for myself, and for people who are like Family to me who have been incredibly patient with me being focused on me for the last several years. When the OAC Convention came up, I justified being able to afford it by saying, well I can change my flights around and save some on the airfare. I’m laughing and shaking my head right now, just so you know.

From there everything just started going at light speed. I feel like the days are rushing by me and I’m not even sure where they are going. It feels like I get up, Exercise, Twitter, work on getting everything ready before I leave, and then just start doing it all over again. Not to mention Puppy Classes and all the normal stuff, work, housework, grocery shopping, doctors’ appointments, getting the carpet cleaned and the car serviced. The list seems endless. I’ll admit there are some days I look at everyone in my house and go, why does it always feel like I’m doing everything?

This weekend was full of shopping, of course, I still fight the urge to buy serious clothes right now… like a lot. I keep telling myself that I won’t let by anything too pricey until I know that I’m in my final size. I’ve stuck to that until now. But hey if I am going to Dallas there were some things I was going to need. Now int he aftermath I am suffering from Post Shopping Stress Syndrome 😀

Simone was visiting this weekend, my 17-year-old step daughter and since this was only the second time we had seen her since the beginning of summer it was the first opportunity we had to do back to school shopping. Plus Heather needed some things for the Dallas trip as well, so a-shopping-we-did-go. Now I will say that the three of us, are amazingly thrifty women. Our stops included Goodwill, Burlington Coat Factory, and then we were off to the Woodburn Outlet Mall where we did some major credit card damage at Bass and Wilson’s Leather. Overall though I must say, still we were amazingly frugal. We had a couple big ticket items like our shoes and for me it was the Jacket. I probably should have bought a knock off Leather Jacket. But I had passed up a leather jacket that I loved back in February when Jason and Heather and I all went to the beach, so when I came across a $600 leather Jacket on clearance for $150 that I was absolutely in love with… well… we’re just going to call that an early Christmas present and nobody in the house has to buy me anything accept Christmas Pajamas and fuzzy warm socks. (But if you guys read this I never say no to Pandora charms!)

I rented the car for the last day we are there so that we can do a little touristy stuff after the Convention since it was cheaper for us to stay an extra day then to fly home on Sunday we’re thinking we’ll find something fun to do in Dallas before we head to Oakland. The flight, the hotel, the car, the clothes, I don’t even want to see my credit card bill. I told Heather today that I just absolutely cannot spend any money when I get home until I pay this bill off. It’s scary to me, putting myself in debt to do this, but I just have this feeling that it is something that I am supposed to be doing, it feels right in so many ways, and I just have to trust that the universe is guiding me in the right direction based on what I am letting it know I want.

Faith, trust and pixie dust, I’ll be backing all three to take with me. I have so much stuff I have to do tonight we’ll be lucky to eat dinner by midnight. I should stop rambling….  But, before go… this is the Jacket. I’m sort of like, wow look at me looking smoking in a black leather Jacket. Oh yeah, I probably should not have bought it, but it’s a much sexier and healthier indulgence than chocolate… this is how I justify it to myself. That and I mean it is almost my Surgiversary…. in fact my 2 year Surgiversary is a week from Friday. That is a reason to celebrate. If I had a big circle of friends I’d throw a big party for that day every year with a Halloween theme instead of having a birthday party. So sure I can justify buying this jacket. It’s a 2nd Surgiversary-Emotional-Non-Chocolate-Healthy-Indulgence. Sure we’ll go with that.

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2 Responses to Leather Wins over Chocolate in my Emotional Indulgences

  • Jennifer Heredia says:

    I think if I could switch to a healthier indulgence, a big part of the battle would be won! I def am an emotional eater. and it doesn’t matter what emotion either. starting new habits are so hard. but i’m so very proud of you and how far you’ve come! you are such an inspiration to me!!!! keep up the awesome job, you look totally amazing!!!

  • Pandora says:

    Thanks Jen! Finding different indulgences is a HUGE obstacle. I learned this lesson very early in my journey. Pre-Op I had to give up ALL of my vices. I had to….

    Quit Smoking
    Give up Caffeine
    Give up Carbonated Drinks ( OMG MY DR PEPPER )

    Then 6 weeks Pre Op I had to give up Food completely and all I got was the one liquid I hate most in the world… milk.

    Having to go through all of that, completely broke my relationship with food and made it a lot easier for me post op though.

    I did get my Caffeine back eventually though not nearly in the amounts I used to drink it.
    After that you just have to start finding things you like just as much.

    I traded my Ice Cream indulgence for Frozen Yogurt. But I always get Non Fat and No Sugar Added.

    I find new things to indulge in instead, things like beauty products and clothes and shoes and tech gadgets.

    If you have a certain weakness, tell me about it, maybe we can find a new indulgence for you together 🙂

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Author: Pandora Williams

Author of Desperately Seeking Slender

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