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Why Weight Loss Surgery?

My friend Jessica at Bariatric Beginnings wrote a blog today called Why Weight Loss Surgery. It addresses the seemingly common occurrence of WLS patients being told that by having weight loss surgery they took the easy way out.  Jessica discusses the process to surgery, she explains that for many we are taking our lives back…  I’ve decided to elaborate a little bit…

IMG_2353Hi I am Pandora; I used to weigh 420 lbs.

The first time I can remember being abused I was 4 years old.

My Family was one of the paradigms for “dysfunctional family” – My real mom was 14 when she had me. She tried to kill me, gave me to her older sister to raise instead. I was molested by my then grandfather, who molested someone else in my family before me, and my entire family knew about it and my grandmother married him and they all let him have access to me knowing what a monster he was.  Several of my aunts and uncles where junkies, my mother was emotionally, physically and verbally abusive and by the time I was 14 I was trying to commit suicide on a regular basis because I was so tired of fighting to live.

I credit my High School sweetheart, a boy named Chris Hanna that will likely never see this, with the fact that I made it out. Him showing me that someone could love me, and that there was a chance that someday someone could love me that had a normal and healthy family that would accept me and that I could be a part of instead of mine and his mother Sandy, a high school principal that saw a girl drowning in her family and showed me that there was a way out, are probably the only reason I decided to stand up and take my life back from what had been done to me.

Food had been my coping skill in a childhood of misery. Some of my best childhood memories are of eating cereal in front of the TV alone in the morning watching cartoons and sneaking Dr. Pepper and Ding Dongs late at night.  But you know the first time I remember food being my friend. Was when I’d visit my grandmother’s house and after something horrible had happened to me, I’d get an ice cream cone or some money to walk to the corner and get a donut.

By the time I left home and got on my own I was over 200 lbs  Next I went through my abusive men cycle. First I picked a boy who convinced me I should do crystal meth to lose weight. After I saw the bottom, and I do mean the bottom of the meth head phase, I moved on to the next one; the physically abusive boyfriend. But you know, I was so full of my own self-loathing then that I didn’t really care if he abused me, I was so mentally ill at this point that I had turned to self-mutilation and some guy beating the piss out of me wasn’t such a bad thing in my head space. It took a hospital psychologist forcing me to see a therapist, to get me to my next phase, a diagnosis of Dissociative Identify Disorder.  It took me about 6 years of therapy, being put in hospitals over and over again, months and months of inpatient programs and a really damn good doctor, to get past this part.

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But food was still my only real friend and now I weighed 420lbs. So I decided to try to tackle it. I tried weight watchers, I tried Jenny Craig, and I tried Calorie Restrictive diets nothing worked. I’d lose some, gain it back, lose some gain it back and I was always hungry, I always felt my stomach growling and I never felt satisfied. I did Atkins, lost 195lbs, got married, went back to eating like a normal person, you know some carbs, and I gained it all back.

I chose to have gastric bypass surgery when my 83-year-old father came to me and told me that he was scared he would die without knowing that I would have a happy and healthy life. I decided to have gastric bypass when I realized that I was scared I was going to die before 40. I decided to have gastric bypass when I realized that because my family treated me so bad that food was where I found love and comfort, I had always used it that way, and really I was killing myself with food. I was still allowing what they had done to me to drag me down and stop me from living my life.

And once I made that decision I did all the things my friend Jennifer wrote about. I struggled with insurance I did all the pre-op requirements… and before I could even have my surgery I had to lose 70 lbs on my own so I was not a death risk. I did that. And for six weeks before my surgery I gave up food completely and drank only milk.

And let me tell you what I did AFTER my Gastric Bypass

I became an avid exerciser. I started to learn about food and nutrition since I had never been taught. I followed all the new super restrictive rules I had agreed to follow in return for a CHANCE that MAYBE I could lose the weight and keep it off and get a chance to live my life.

10152012 008And after I had lost the weight, then I stood there looking in the mirror and all I saw was all the skin that hung off me, made me look old, worn, ugly, and… abused. Yup, I saw all that skin as remnants of my abuse. It was like even still no matter how much I fought to overcome one thing there was something else there to told me back that I still tied to my abusers.

So I spent a year of my life dedicated to cutting it off.

For the first time in my life I look in the mirror and I feel GOOD about myself. I feel like I see ME for the first time instead of seeing a broken woman still trying to recover from being a broken little girl. And for the first time in my life, I won’t allow anyone else to break me.

There isn’t one thing about my life or any decision I have made that has been easy.

Why gastric bypass? Because I deserve to live my life as much as you deserve to live yours.

And if I ever hear someone actually say that gastric bypass is an easy way out…  I’m going to smile and… educate them.

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I won an iPad you could win an iPad Mini

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Man I have this news that I want to share with you guys so bad it is quite literally making me burst at the seams that I CANNOT tell you yet. It really sucks when you have huge huge epic news and you can’t spit it out, especially when you are me, because you all know how I am, tell it like it is, call it like I see it, I am the type to just blurt something out. Yeah, this is hard, but it should only be a day or two….

In the meantime guess what arrived at my house today! It’s really been an amazing day for me! Today my new iPad arrived! It’s the prize I won from participating in the OAC’s Video Testimonial Contest after attending the First Inaugural Your Weight Matters Convention in Dallas 2012. That Convention was such a life changing moment for me, I am so glad I went, doing a video testimonial was the least I could do! Winning a brand new 16GB iPad is an AMAZING prize though. See it pays to enter these contests.

HalloweenSpeaking of Contests! Have you heard about the Flab to Fabulous Pageant? Okay seriously, I love this idea, like in a big way. Maybe some of you remember that for Halloween I dressed up as “Ms. Onderland.” I used my 17-year-old step daughters Alice Costume from last year. Added some blood and bandages, a beauty crown and a sash and dressed up as Mr. Onderland for the OAC Halloween themed party. Heather went to the Convention with me and so she went dressed as my bloody plastic surgeon. My arms were wrapped up like I had just had a brachioplasty and all. I chose that costume part as a joke and part because I really thought the idea of a little mini beauty pageant as part of one of these WLS get together would be a fun thing to do. I mean what an opportunity, for someone like me, who has been overweight most of their life to have a chance at being crowned a beauty queen.  Yes, I love this idea.

crown-contest-ipad-mini-250But I am getting off track with how cool I think this idea is and forgetting the important part… right now they are having a contest. All you have to do is go to their page and vote on which style of crown they are going to use for Mr. and Mrs. Fabulous Pageant. The contest runs through February 9th, you can vote once a day, and each time you vote you are entered to win an iPad Mini. Okay seriously, I will be entering every day, and if I take home that iPad Mini because not enough of you bothered to go click on a crown each day and let me walk away with this prize I’m gonna give you guys a big old ration of crap. These kinds of contests are easy breezy and I know how much MANY of my WLS friends would LOVE an iPad Mini, me included! Hey I like gadgets! Anyways, go vote on which crown Mr. and Ms. Fabulous will wear.

Heck while you are there, maybe sign up for the Pageant.  There are a lot of beautiful women out there. Heck just the yesterday Bariatric Guru had a contest on her Facebook Page where she had people post their before and after photos, I have seen first-hand how beautiful and handsome some of you ladies and gentlemen are. You might be the next Mr. or Ms. Fabulous and win $25,000 in prizes.

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Author: Pandora Williams

Author of Desperately Seeking Slender

This is #MyBariLife

BariLife has decided to send me back to Paris to represent the WLS Community as I attempt to find my love of running again.
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