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Diary of a WLS Junkie!

The daily thoughts, ramblings, trials and tribulations of the journey to weight loss surgery.

Amazing Changes

The days are going by faster than I expected them too, but perhaps that is because I want to get to the point where I can have this surgery so bad that I can taste it, and yet, I have a lot of things to achieve before I get there. Some days I look at what I have done in the last few months, what I have achieved in such a short time frame, and I feel like I SHOULD be proud of all that I’ve accomplished so far, and instead, I’m just upset with myself for not being able to do it ALL.

Let me get you guys up to date a bit. I went to the pre-op work up appointment on the 14th, so that’s just a little over two weeks ago now. The weighed me in at 395 which was a little depressing because my scales at home were not weighing me that high, but the good news was that I’m 5’4 and ¾! That ¾ of an inch might seem silly to most people but what that means to me is that I’m actually considered 5’5 which means my BMI is a little lower that I expected and also means that the goal I need to get to in order to get my BMI down to 60 which is the requirement for surgery is not 50lbs away but 35lbs away. This is all pretty good news.

Now the bad news – and boy there was a lot of it. My hemoglobin A1C was 8.2!! From what I understand a normal test is between 4-6 but from what I have read the goal for people with diabetes is a hemoglobin A1c less than 7 – so this was the first thing that the doctor beat me up about. I HAVE to get my blood sugars under control before surgery. This has been the bane of my existence for the last two weeks. I’ve been trying, note I say trying, because believe me, remembering to do it difficult, but I’ve been TRYING to check my blood sugars 4 times a day since my appointment. The good news is that my blood sugars are A LOT better. My blood sugar this morning when I woke up after exercising and before eating was 98!!

The other good news is that in just two weeks, between the difference in what I’m eating, the exercise and the consistence maintenance in regards to my blood sugars I’ve already vastly reduced the amount of insulin I am taking. My hand to god, ( As my Aunt Bev would say ) before I started this I was taking 60 Units of 70/30 insulin 4 times a day, plus taking R insulin on a sliding scale depending on how high my blood sugar was. Last week I started having problems with hypoglycemia. That’s where your blood sugars get too low, which in my case, is a result of taking too much insulin. So last week we started tapering down the amount of insulin I was taking until we could find a happy place, right now that happy place seems to be at about 30 Units of 70/30 insulin and I have only had to take Regular insulin on the sliding scale 3 times in the last 7 days, and even then, my blood sugar hasn’t hit 200, in 10 days. That’s a HUGE difference in my blood sugars that were running at about 300-350 on a normal basis, and this has all happened just 2 weeks into a life change where I am eating healthier foods, exercising on a regular basis, and checking my blood sugars on a regular basis.

Other than my diabetes, and of course, my needing to lose weight, the only other negative thing the doctor had to tell me was that I had a yeast infection under my tummy that needed to be addressed. I tend to get a rash under my tummy and between my groin and thigh area in the summer time a lot, even though I am showering every day, so she gave me some medicated powder that cleared that up in like two days, I’m using it religiously though, after every shower, because I’m going to do exactly what they tell me to do to try to make sure that I can have this surgery as soon as possible and that when I do, I get the best results I possibly can out of it.

Oh, she also told me that I have a vitamin D deficiency which is pretty normal in patients that are morbidly obese. (I hate saying that, it makes me sound so terrible, but perhaps if I stop sugar coating things, that will help me remember where I started and keep me moving forward.) For the Vitamin D deficiency I was put on a large dose of Vitamin D that I have to take once a week, a 50,000IU Capsule.

So really, I’m doing pretty good here, since March, just 4 months ago, I have quit smoking, given up soda, given up caffeine, gotten my blood sugars under better control, reduced the amount of insulin that I’m taking, and start exercising. Now if those pounds I need to come off in order to be ready for the surgery would start coming off I would be a VERY happy camper.

People keep telling me that I’m in a race to get to the finish line and that I need to slow down because the things that I am doing along the way are just as important. That’s easier said than done though, I’ve got a goal, and I’m working towards it and in my mind, nothing is good enough until I get there.

I have more to tell you guys about the last two weeks, but I’m going to call it good for now and get my breakfast. Greek Yogurt and a peach are on the menu today. Then it’s time for me to get to work and start my day, re-adjusting my schedule to something that truly works for me and works for work, is proving to be a rough task, but I’m working hard on it.

Trying to be Prepared for Changes

I don’t think that anyone that is not severely overweight can really understand the pain that we go through. I don’t think they can understand the constant insecurity, the constant stress and worry about what other people are thinking, the fear of how we are looked at, the embarrassment of being pointed at as you are walking down the street and having kids laugh at you. Teenagers are the best, you know that group of adolescent boys standing outside a store you are walking into that just have to made sounds at you as you walk by, moo at you, bark at you, or call out some horrible cruel comment.

Its been a very long time now since Jason and I have done things that required me to go out in public too much. Between my size and the economy we have all but stopped going out to dinner, going to movies, or doing much of anything accept a bit of shopping here and there when necessary.  The last two times we went to the movies were to see the new Twilight films after I had fallen in love with the books and both times we purposely went to late night shows, at three o’clock in the morning to avoid a crowd. It allowed me to be more comfortable and enjoy the movie.

Last summer when my best friend and I were going to the New Kids on the Block concert instead of flying out I chose to take the train, I spoke with a representative at Amtrak ahead of time they put me in the handicap section of the train because of my size to allow me to be more comfortable. Basically I had two seats all to myself without having to pay for the price of two seats to fly alone since Jason wasn’t going. But it’s stressful, being so big that you actually have to think about all of this and stress out about it, worry about it, and be self conscious about it, when you are trying to have fun and enjoy yourself.

It’s the same reason that people like me don’t go to the Gym. Who really wants to be that 400lb girl in the gym dying on the treadmill as she walks 2.5 MPH with the skinny people running 5Ks on them and staring at you while you gasp for air like you are about to die. This isn’t me feeling sorry for myself either; this is just me being honest. We find ways to work around these things, ways to learn to live with them and still be happy, but it’s not easy, it is a struggle, and one that I am so tired of battling with.

Anyways, just some random thoughts that came to mind since I just recently had to go to the movies alone to see the new Twilight on opening night since Jason had to work the next day. I ended up going to a three o-clock in the morning show again to avoid the crowd and I still suffered from the “You know they are all looking at me thinking, of course she is here alone she is too fat for anyone to love her” mindset.

Anyways, enough about that. I was doing a bit of research today about life after Bariatric surgery and trying to prepare myself. I’ve been trying to make changes I know I am going to have to make now, rather than having to make so many changes all at once and feeling overwhelmed. I’ve already quit smoking, quit drinking diet soda or pretty much anything carbonated, given up coffee, today I was looking into all the vitamins and protein drinks and powders that I’m going to need and I have to say I was a little stressed out about the costs of things. 12 Protein drinks is like $45 and from what I’ve read I will have to drink 2-3 a day. And Vitamins are at the tune of like $75 a month for the entourage of supplements you seem to need after Bariatric surgery, so that’s all stressing me out a little bit. I’m hoping I’m just seeing the really expensive stuff and that there is cheaper stuff out there.

Alright well its 1am, I haven’t eaten anything since 9pm and now I can’t drink anything but small sips of water because I am going in tomorrow morning for my lab work. So I’m going  to call it a night and try to sleep through the next 8 hours of fasting.

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Author: Pandora Williams

Author of Desperately Seeking Slender

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