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Diary of a WLS Junkie!

The daily thoughts, ramblings, trials and tribulations of the journey to weight loss surgery.

Trying to be Prepared for Changes

I don’t think that anyone that is not severely overweight can really understand the pain that we go through. I don’t think they can understand the constant insecurity, the constant stress and worry about what other people are thinking, the fear of how we are looked at, the embarrassment of being pointed at as you are walking down the street and having kids laugh at you. Teenagers are the best, you know that group of adolescent boys standing outside a store you are walking into that just have to made sounds at you as you walk by, moo at you, bark at you, or call out some horrible cruel comment.

Its been a very long time now since Jason and I have done things that required me to go out in public too much. Between my size and the economy we have all but stopped going out to dinner, going to movies, or doing much of anything accept a bit of shopping here and there when necessary.  The last two times we went to the movies were to see the new Twilight films after I had fallen in love with the books and both times we purposely went to late night shows, at three o’clock in the morning to avoid a crowd. It allowed me to be more comfortable and enjoy the movie.

Last summer when my best friend and I were going to the New Kids on the Block concert instead of flying out I chose to take the train, I spoke with a representative at Amtrak ahead of time they put me in the handicap section of the train because of my size to allow me to be more comfortable. Basically I had two seats all to myself without having to pay for the price of two seats to fly alone since Jason wasn’t going. But it’s stressful, being so big that you actually have to think about all of this and stress out about it, worry about it, and be self conscious about it, when you are trying to have fun and enjoy yourself.

It’s the same reason that people like me don’t go to the Gym. Who really wants to be that 400lb girl in the gym dying on the treadmill as she walks 2.5 MPH with the skinny people running 5Ks on them and staring at you while you gasp for air like you are about to die. This isn’t me feeling sorry for myself either; this is just me being honest. We find ways to work around these things, ways to learn to live with them and still be happy, but it’s not easy, it is a struggle, and one that I am so tired of battling with.

Anyways, just some random thoughts that came to mind since I just recently had to go to the movies alone to see the new Twilight on opening night since Jason had to work the next day. I ended up going to a three o-clock in the morning show again to avoid the crowd and I still suffered from the “You know they are all looking at me thinking, of course she is here alone she is too fat for anyone to love her” mindset.

Anyways, enough about that. I was doing a bit of research today about life after Bariatric surgery and trying to prepare myself. I’ve been trying to make changes I know I am going to have to make now, rather than having to make so many changes all at once and feeling overwhelmed. I’ve already quit smoking, quit drinking diet soda or pretty much anything carbonated, given up coffee, today I was looking into all the vitamins and protein drinks and powders that I’m going to need and I have to say I was a little stressed out about the costs of things. 12 Protein drinks is like $45 and from what I’ve read I will have to drink 2-3 a day. And Vitamins are at the tune of like $75 a month for the entourage of supplements you seem to need after Bariatric surgery, so that’s all stressing me out a little bit. I’m hoping I’m just seeing the really expensive stuff and that there is cheaper stuff out there.

Alright well its 1am, I haven’t eaten anything since 9pm and now I can’t drink anything but small sips of water because I am going in tomorrow morning for my lab work. So I’m going  to call it a night and try to sleep through the next 8 hours of fasting.

Something Other than Waiting!

Alright, so, I heard back from the WLS coordinator at SWMC and we found out that for sure the insurance covers 85% and not 100% so from here on forward this is what we know for sure.

  • Insurance will cover NOTHING pre-operative.
  • Insurance will cover surgery, up to $25,000 Lifetime Maximum so long as all three, Surgeon, Anesthesiologist and Facility are all in network. Insurance will pay 85% of contracted rate, after I’ve met my $300 deductible, up to $25,000.
  • Insurance will NOT cover complications
  • Insurance will NOT cover Post Operative Follow-up

So this is what I have to work with. Now the good news! The journey is REALLY beginning! I have to go in for blood work on Saturday, July 10th, and then I have my first series of appointments on Wednesday July 14th. From what I understand I have quite a bit to do on my appointment on Wednesday, they said I will probably be there for the better part of 4 hours. I’m going to be going to two classes, meeting with the physician and meeting with the nutritionist.

We went over the list of things that my insurance requires I do before they will approve surgery, and the surgery has to be approved before hand or they wont pay, but most the things they require me to do are the same things that SWMC requires that you do within their program. So after my appointment on the 14th, I can expect to have to meeting with a psychiatrist as well. I was also told that I would probably have more appointments with the Nutritionist because I’m going to have to lose a bit of weight before they will send me to the surgeon, my BMI has to be under 60%, and that’s probably going to be about 45lbs I need to lose.  We’ll see what they have to say on the 14th.

My quit smoking date was March 25th so I won’t meet the 6 month no nicotine requirement until September 25th,  so I have a bit of time to get down to what they require, I’ve crash dieted before and been successful, so I have faith that I can do it.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders knowing that I am finally getting somewhere with this. Thank goodness. I have a few new recipes that I tried out last week that I want to share, but I’ll work on getting those up later this week. Jason is taking the 14th of work to go with me, so that’s awesome.  I’m eager to see what comes next. None of it his happening fast enough, I feel like it’s taking forever, but I know I’m further into the journey than I have ever been before and I’m finding a lot of contentment in that.

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Author: Pandora Williams

Author of Desperately Seeking Slender

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