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How it Began

My name is Jaime, but everyone calls me “Pandora” – it’s a nickname I got years ago and it stuck. The day this blog began I was 33 years old; 5’5 weighed just shy of 400 lb. and had been trying to have weight loss surgery for 4 years.

I had been overweight my entire life. I was the chubby kid in grade school and I was the big girl in high school. Four years after graduating from high school I topped the scales at 400 lb. for the first time. I was 22 years old; I suffered from chronic depression, I was suicidal, I had sleep apnea and was an insulin dependent diabetic taking shots three times day.

I had spent my entire life using my weight as a self-defense mechanism to keep people away from me, and for the first time in my life I met a man I didn’t want to hold at arm’s length anymore. When my weight was the biggest issue in our relationship, I was devastated. Looking back now, even though we always have that first heartbreak as a teenager, that’s not the one that hurts, the one that hurts, is the first one when you are irrevocably in love with someone and they can’t love you back. When the reason they can’t love you back is because you’re morbidly obese, that’s a hard reality to swallow.

But when my weight also became an issue for the next man to enter my life I became obsessed with losing it. I began the Atkins diet and started exercising religiously. I was 27 and my entire life was focused on losing weight so that I could get the guy I wanted. I got down to 225 lb. got the guy, had a hysterectomy due to advanced endometriosis, got married, and gained back every single pound I lost and then some. I considered weight loss surgery at this point, but my husband talked me out of it. He had seen me successfully lose the weight on my own and was confident I could do so again.

I was the queen of fad diets, yo-yo-diets, on and off gym commitments. I was that girl so embarrassed to be in the gym with all the “skinny people” that I would go to the gym in the wee hours of the night when there were only a handful of people there.

I considered bariatric surgery again in 2006 when I once again hit 375 lb. but my insurance would not cover it and cash pay wasn’t an option for me. I couldn’t qualify for a loan to pay the $35,000 cash pay price tag on a RNY Gastric Bypass.

In 2009 my Father came to me and told me that he was concerned about my health and that he was worried he was going to leave the world without the security of knowing that I would have a happy and healthy life. Just several weeks after that phone call my insurance company sent me a letter saying they were going to begin covering bariatric surgery.

I saved up the $10,000 that I would need for my part of the surgery and while I did, I researched the internet to learn what my life would by life after gastric bypass. What would I eat? How would I exercise? How quickly would things change? What foods would make me sick? I had so many questions, I was so excited, and there was so much I wanted to know. I wanted someone to walk me through it. I didn’t find exactly what I was looking for, so I decided to create it.

Thus began Desperately Seeking Slender. An archived diary of my journey from playing the waiting game with the insurance company and getting the approval [ The Waiting Game June 2010 ] to my experience with reconstructive plastic surgery and the beginning of my new career as I steady for my CPT Exam.

When I started Desperately Seeking Slender the front page of the site said “I’ll be sharing every part of my journey I possibly can here. I invite you to join me. Comment on my blog posts, email me, send me links to your sites, together we can help each other be successful and help ease the pain of feeling defeated when we fall short of our dreams.”

Today my mission isn’t much different from it began really. To share with you tools and information and experiences that might help you to be successful in your journey. Today, Desperately Seeking Slender is a site dedicated to helping you find the fun in fitness and wellness in your weight loss journey no matter what stage of that journey you are in. But when it began, Desperately Seeking Slender was me sharing my journey so that others might learn something from it.


Author: Pandora Williams

Author of Desperately Seeking Slender

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