Life is stressing me out right now, a lot. I’ve found my focus in exercise, running seems to help me open up my mind, clear my head, and since the beginning it’s made me feel like my Father is with me. Any time I need to feel my Dad’s presence in my life I just put feet to pavement and off we go. Some people will find that strange, some will understand it, my only explanation for it is that I know, if there really is a place that our loved ones go after they leave us, where they can look out for us, that my Dad is there looking out for me. I know he wouldn’t go anywhere that he wouldn’t be able to watch out for me, my Mom and my Sister if there was any other choice.
I’ve experienced my Dad’s presence first hand when running. I talk to him, ask him questions, seek guidance. Back in October I stopped a little park down the road during my run for a cigarette. Yeah I know how stupid that sounds; it wasn’t something I was proud of at the time either. It was a nasty habit I had picked back up during the high stress time of my Father’s passing and hadn’t been able to kick. I was battling and struggling with it big time, and I needed to quit again before the next stage of this weight loss journey could begin for me. I asked my Dad for help, asked is putting it nicely, I pretty much raged on him for leaving me before I could finish this journey with him and told him that helping me with this was the least he could do!
Two days later I woke up with the idea of smoking non tobacco non nicotine cigarettes until I could kick the need to have one in my hands. I did that for a couple of weeks, they were nasty, and I’ve been a non-smoker again for officially 2 months now.
Alas, I get side tracked; I could talk about my Father all day. But life is stressful for me right now. My schedule is so full, and everything is coming so fast, and everything costs so much money.
My “Second Father” or my “Other Dad” as I like to call him, Tom, a Man whose been a part of my life since I was 18 and been there for me in more ways than you could ever ask someone too, has decided to visit for his birthday. He’ll be arriving on the 28th and here until the 5th.
Then I leave for Pittsburgh PA on the 8th to go help my girlfriend Heather pack all her stuff up and move to Oregon. I’m super excited and crazy jazzed to have her moving here. She came to visit over the Thanksgiving Holiday and I realized how much I missed having girlfriends to do stuff with. She and I should be back before the beginning of February which is when the first of my reconstructive plastic surgery surgeries should be starting. Then I’ve got my Mom and Aunt CherRel planning a trip here in May, which is when I’m attempted to do a half a marathon with my Trainer Suzie over at Tym 4 Me Fitness, her and her clients did it last year and I’m going to do my best to join them this year! And then we’ll be right about the time for my second set of reconstructive surgery. Not to mention during all this time I’m going to be studying and getting my ISSA Certification to become a personal trainer myself. My 2012 is packed full! It’s overwhelming to me!
And none of this is coming cheap! I’m trying to look at all of it as a career investment, I need to fix my body to make working as a personal trainer and going back to help other Morbidly Obese people the way I want too, and of course I need the ISSA Certification to do that as well. I think at first I’ll just be taking their Fitness course so I can get to work right away but I think that in the next few years I actually want to do get an Associate’s Degree in Exercise Science! I have big goals! I know, but they are all pretty achievable if I can just figure out the financial part. Lots of people take thousands of dollars in loans to go back to school and get their education, I’m still young, 35 isn’t THAT old, I can do this! If ANYONE out there has any suggestions or skills at finding grants and stuff to help pay for women going back to school I’d really appreciate some help!
Okay, it’s time to start getting stuff together for my run today. I’m attempting my first 7 mile day today! Wish me luck! I’ll let you all know how it goes later!