Social Networking

Monthly Archives: August 2012

Birthdays after Gastric Bypass Surgery

Okay so let’s be honest, as a morbidly obese person, birthdays meant one thing to me; cake. Okay two things; cake & presents. Now growing up in a religious household where Birthdays and Holidays were not celebrated I can honestly tell you that I’ve never had a real birthday party, growing up I got sneaky birthday presents on the sly from my Grandmother until she passed away when I was eight, and later in High School my friends started celebrating my birthday with me, but never in the form of a big party or anything like that and into my adult years I always celebrated my birthday with my significant other at the time. In fact, most of my really good birthdays can be attributed to Tom and Jason.

I remember when I was turning thirty and having a little bit of a midlife crisis over it. Jason and I were at the prime of our relationship, we had just started renting a house instead of an apartment, a house we thought we were going to buy until life started changing and we decided to go to Las Vegas. My thirtieth birthday was a weekend full of Vegas excitement. Drinks, black jack, a Nickelback concert at Mandalay Bay, Phantom of the Opera at the Venetian, shopping and just a bunch of excitement and fun.  That’s one of my fondest birthdays.

My father’s passing last year was extremely hard for me on my birthday; it wasn’t any easier this year either. Last year was the first year I could remember since my parents strayed away from the religious beliefs when I had left home that my Father’s voice hadn’t greeted me on the other side of the phone for my birthday singing to me. This year that hit even closer to home for me, I missed his singing to me more than I realized and it was the first year in a long time that nobody actually sang Happy Birthday to me.

That doesn’t mean my birthday was bad… it was just different and different isn’t really a bad thing, sometimes change is good and ok, just a little hard to adjust too.

Last year, as my “Birthday Cake” I had a three pack of little mini hostess 100 calorie cupcakes that I didn’t even eat all of and didn’t feel deprived in the slightest.

This year definitely wasn’t about cake or presents for me, it was about spending time with my chosen Family and enjoying them.

I spent a good deal of time the night before my birthday talking to Tom on the phone about things going on in my life and all that. We talked about my goals, we talked about the things I need to do next, we talked about my recently Family drama and he let me rant and vent and of course, Tom gave me a birthday present. If there is one person I always know is going to remember my birthday its Tom. This year’s gift was so thoughtful. After the last year and half with me since my Father passed away and all my sudden concerns about not having things in my life in order the way they should be at my age and regretting not knowing more in my twenties about investing money instead of pissing it away, his gift to me was shares in a Gold Mine, a way to help me start learning about stocks and shares and understanding investment. It was a very thoughtful gift, and as always shows that Tom is one of the few people that really listen to what I am saying when I express where I am emotionally.

My actual birthday fell on a Tuesday, which meant most people were working. I spent the majority of the day with my best girlfriend ever, Heather and we had a really fun little day together, lunch at our favorite little Mexican place, then we went to see the Movie Paranorman, which we both feel asleep during but hey, the parts we saw were cute and funny. Then we went and got me and manicure and pedicure at a new nail salon. I loved this! Getting my nails done has always been one of those things I did that made me feel pampered and pretty. For some reason even at 420lbs I could convince myself that I looked nice when my nails and make up were all done up.  This was the first time ever in a nail salon that I didn’t get acrylics put on my nails and instead just had my own nails and toes painted. I tried that new shellac gel paint stuff that is supposed to not chip and last for weeks on your fingernails and so far I love it. After my nails we headed to Jamba Juice where I got one of their Light ( No Sugar Added ) smoothies made with fresh fruit and Splenda and added in the Whey Protein boost before we headed over to Fry’s for some window shopping, a bunch of “I wish I could afford that, and that, and that and that too!” and finally we ended up at McMenamins for drinks and appetizers with my dear friend, Trainer and someday-to-be business partner, Suzie and her best friend Jennifer. We had a great time hearing all about their recent trip to Vegas and talking, yip yapping. I had to laugh though, going out with Suzie I should have known what to expect but Heather and I had ordered their Ale Tasters platter which is pretty much deli sliced meats, cheeses, olives, pickled veggies and a few little crisp wonton like things that I let Heather go to down on. Great post WLS friendly platter for sure. Of course Suzie rolls up an orders her and Jennifer the humus plate, which was basically humus, flat bread, olives, pickled veggies and humus, replace my meat with her pita bread and my cheese for her humus and we had the same plate! Suzie surprised me by picking up the tab for my birthday and as usual humbled me with her kindness and generosity.

I had meant to stop at Fred Meyer and pick up some of those cupcakes again, but then I opted for a Sugar Free Chocolate Cupcake from the local sugar free bakery here in Portland that Fred Meyer’s stocks in their bakery department. But I was so full after lunch, the movie theater and the appetizers that I totally forgot the whole cupcake thing. My evening sweet ended up being a Luna protein bar and a container of No Sugar Added Tapioca Pudding. My usual sweet tooth cures, because yes, about a year and half or so after my gastric bypass that sweet tooth of mine kicked back in only now I feed it with fresh fruit, sugar free treats.

It was an eventful fun and pampering day, all courtesy of Heather, and I had the promise of Birthday celebration day #2 to come tomorrow to do the rest of the things I wanted to do but didn’t have the stamina and energy for all in one day because of my recent skin removal surgery and all. So yesterday, the day after my birthday, we headed out for lunch at one of my three favorite eating out places, Macaroni Grill. Some time I’ll tell you all about my love for this restaurant and their light calorie options and tips on things to try there. After lunch we walked over to Lu Lu Lemon, an athletic store that I’m just DYING to shop at AFTER I’ve finished all my surgeries and can afford to start refurnishing my closet with stuff a little higher in price than what outlet stores, target and goodwill, since they won’t keep ending up too big for me after and having to be donated. Heather bought me one of those no slip grip head band things I’ve been wanting for when I can get back in the gym, purple and black of course. Then we headed over to the Jewelry store to look at Pandora charms. My Pandora bracelets (I have two) were both started around this time last year and are something that both Jason and Heather ended up getting me, I love them of course because my nickname is Pandora. We didn’t take anything home because the salesman informed us that they had a special starting up in a couple weeks where if you spend $100 you get a free bracelet. Since most the charms are about $40-$60 a piece that is easy to do if you are buying a couple charms so we decided to wait, get me the free new bracelet which will allow me to build a new bracelet later when mine are full. Then we hit Fred Meyer for that Sugar Free Cupcake I forgot to get the night before. I’ve got a cute little picture of me blowing out the candle on it that Heather lit for me, and I’ll admit I decided to splurge and eat the entire thing, after all it was sugar free and my birthday, why not celebrate a little…. Yeah it made me dump. Won’t do that again! Next year its sugar free frozen yogurt with a couple sugar free Oreo cookies crumbled on top and a candle stuffed in the yogurt, or some homemade cupcakes so I know it won’t make me sick. I really wish cooking was more of a strong point for me but it’s not something I’m really passionate about.  I suck in the kitchen, heck I’ve tried to make the protein ice cream that Shelly from The World According to Eggface makes several times and have ended up messing it up so many times I gave up. It’s ridiculous.

My birthday, considering all that is going on in my life right now and where I am emotionally, was restful, stress free and filled with people that are supportive, loving and encouraging me to keep doing the things I need to do right now, which largely means continuing to focus on myself and my goals. My birthday was about celebrating me and the people that love me, it was awesome. A few neat presents thrown in, a shirt and headband from Heather, gold mind shares from Tom, drinks and snacks from Suzie. Oh and of course calls from my BFFs Tora and Ashli! Ashli was actually the first person to call me and wish me happy birthday the morning of my birthday, I love that girl, she is totally my “Titty Sprinkles.” And if you are offended by me saying that, or don’t know what it means, do yourself a favor… watch this video:

Morgan Freeman talks about … Titty Sprinkles [ ORIGINAL ]

I’ll leave you with that and a thank you and shout out to everyone that wished me Happy Birthday on Facebook when it reminded you it was my birthday! 😀

“Mmmmmm that’s the good stuff.”

An Overall Sadness

There are so many things I want to rant about today.

But let’s face it, there comes a time when the things we need to rant about are too personal to share on the internet. Not because I’m afraid to put it out there or ashamed of it or anything like that, but simply because the drama of me doing so isn’t worth it.

Let’s just say I don’t come from the most functional family. I don’t have a lot of family support and in the three going on four weeks now since I’ve been home from the hospital after my second of four reconstructive plastic surgeries; my Family hasn’t been a mecca of support. A falling out I had with one member of the Family has pretty much left me alienated from most of Family. Fights over money have dramatically hurt several of my relationships with the few members of the Family I still had a relationship with, and while I won’t air all the dirty laundry, the one thing I will say is that I made a conscious choice years ago to walk away and live my own life separate and outside of that Family. Losing my Father last year made me in a lot of ways, long to go back, it made me yearn for that Family that everyone else always has but I don’t, and really, someday I’m going to have to come to terms with the fact that life didn’t deal me those cards.

Life has a plan for us, I’m certain, each one of us is here for a reason, the universe has something in store for us, there is something, no matter how big or small that we are here to accomplish. I’ve never believed that I was supposed to accomplish having children, I never believed being a Mother was something I was made to do. It wasn’t in my natural chemistry,

There is a part of me, as I’ve faced death for the first time this year that asks myself what then my purpose is and I know that I’ve found the answer. My purpose is to see this through and to come out on the other side with the story, experience and wisdom to help others do it as well. That is what I have to focus on now, and as much as anyone may think that I should be doing something else, this is the coarse I am on, it’s the one that the most important people in my life are giving up things and making sacrifices for, and I’m at a point where I have to stop putting everyone else first.

For the last year and half since all this stuff started that sent me to LA I have put everyone else first, Jason, my Father, and my Mother, my Family, even at times Heather and my friends. Right now, for the first time I am putting me first, and I know it’s pissing a lot of people off and it’s enabling a lot of people to villainize me, but I know this is what I have to right now, there is point in everyone’s life when they have to learn they have to take care of themselves, it’s been a hard lesson for me this year, not being that submissive, timid women that would always give to everyone else at the cost of her own happiness.

There is a song that has resonated in my life over the last year and a half, I consider it my “Power Song”, meaning it’s a song that when I hear it, pushes me to push myself. It makes me want to go. This is the song I put on during a run that really makes my feet go, it’s usually a song I make sure I can switch too on a long segment when I might need  a little pick up. The song always takes me back to the first night I heard it, the 4th of July 2011 when I was running sprints around the block while a hospice nurse sat inside with my dying Father. I knew he would be leaving me soon and I needed him to know that even though I didn’t get to the end of my journey while he was with me, I would get there. I made a promise to my Dad that night while I was running that that would be our time together, when I was out running, and I’ve been running ever since.

The song is “Firework” by Katey Perry, I know, not really my style, but hey, have a listen and I sure you will understand why it is a song empowers you and in the end that is the most important thing that we take out of taking our lives back, the empowerment that we are in control of our own fate. Whether that comes back to you in the form of the food you put in your mouth or the exercise you do on the treadmill, if you can find that empowerment in your life change you will be successful. I’ll share the lyrics with you as well as a link to the Katy Perry Firework video on YouTube.

Me, I need to get some sleep so I can figure out what we’re doing tomorrow about this drain in my side that still hasn’t healed.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Author: Pandora Williams

Author of Desperately Seeking Slender

This is #MyBariLife

BariLife has decided to send me back to Paris to represent the WLS Community as I attempt to find my love of running again.
Please take the time to visit their website and check them out!

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5,048 other subscribers

DSS on Twitter

Proud Member of the OAC

Grab My Button