Okay so I am feeling a little socially awkward. This is going to sound really stupid, but as I have started getting more involved in the Weight Loss Community online I’ve gotten the opportunity so far to talk to a few women who are big names in this community via Twitter and Facebook, and I find myself intimidated. Not in a bad way, but in that sort of way that you get nervous if you meet someone famous. Some of these women I have been reading and following quietly as I tried to focus on my own journey and get through some of the obstacles life was handing me.
If I am being completely honest, every once in a while that “Fat girl” mentality kicks in and I feel unworthy and I start thinking, why is anyone even paying attention to me. But then I remind myself what I have accomplished, what I intend to accomplish, how far I have come and then I find myself asking myself, am I really that special? But each of us is special in our own way, each of us has something amazing and remarkable to offer, it’s just a matter of figuring out what it is and letting people see it.
I’m starting to feel for the first time in my life like it is all starting to come together. For as long as I can remember I have wanted two things in life, I wanted to not be “fat” and I wanted to do something that incorporated all the things I was interested in back in High School before that pivotal moment when everything broke on me. I wanted to have a successful career. I wanted to do something that involved writing, journalism, and speaking, all things that I know I excel at.
My Father told me once you have to love what you do and do what you love. I’ve never had the type of job that I looked forward to going to every day. That’s the dream I’m chasing now. I want a job where I wake up in the morning and I’m excited to go to work. I want a job where I know that I can touch other people and help inspire and motivate them. This is exactly why I’m setting out to become a personal trainer.
There is a part of me that is scared, scared that I’ll start this business and fail dramatically, fall on my face and end up back at home doing Web Design and Graphics Design and wishing I was doing something different. But I recognize this fear; I felt the same way right before my Gastric Bypass. I was scared of not losing the weight, of not using the tool correctly, of being one of those people that have a gastric bypass, come home and eat a waffle and end up killing themselves. OK, maybe I wasn’t afraid of that, but it did happen to someone and it did put the fear of god in me about what I put in my mouth early post op.
The point here is that we fear change. Any change, any time that there is a risk of failure, it can be uncomfortable and scary. One thing I have learned though is if you don’t even attempt to do something, you’ve already settled for failure. Lack of action is sort of like lying by omission. You can’t want change more than anything in the world but not be willing to take any chances to achieve it.
So what do we do then? Well, if you’re ready, you face your fears by chasing your dreams. Whether we are at the beginning of our journey and you’re chasing a 20 minute mile on the treadmill, (Yup. That was me) or whether you are 10 lbs from your goal weight and suddenly decided you want to change your entire career to focus on weight loss and helping other’s fight obesity by fighting alongside them; chasing that next big accomplishment or dream is what life is all about. There are days right now when it’s even more scary to me, what if people don’t like me, what if I’m not cute enough, what if people write horrible comments on one of my pictures or posts somewhere. What if I follow this dream and I start this Personal Training business and I never get a client.
Oh the panic… I’m an over thinker. Can you tell? The whole thing reminds me of a quote from W.B. Yeats. “I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”
So as all these all too familiar fears and insecurities kick in, I keep having to tell myself one thing over and over. – Do NOT be held back by your fears; be led by your dreams.
I’m following my dreams, what about you?