Alright so there is something that I’m battling with, something I’m struggling to understand.
I’m supposed to stop eating as soon as I feel “satisfied” – Satisfied that’s a great word. What makes me physically satisfied doesn’t necessarily coincide with what makes me emotionally satisfied. Now at first that sounds like I want to be an emotional eater and scarf down whatever makes me happy, that’s not the case. I’ve really changed the way I look at food; food to me is mathematical equation of two things:
Food is Fuel: This is a concept that I’ve adopted from Steven, and something that I’ve tried to do since even before my surgery to help change the way I would look at food after. Food is what I need to put into my body to give it the energy to make it go and make it do the things I really want it to do. That two hours a day I’m spending in the gym, that’s because I’m giving my body enough fuel to do it, and that’s really important.
Food is Protein: And we’ve all had it drilled into our head how important protein is. Protein, Protein, Protein, it’s the focus of our eating during life after Gastric Bypass.
Now here is where my dilemma comes in. I specifically build means that are high in protein and when it comes to Protein I have a daily quota that I am trying to meet. So let’s take this morning as an example. I woke up this morning and usually I’d be munching a cracker and some cheese and then heading out the door to the gym. But today I have my first session with my Trainer Suzie, and I wanted to take the time to have a very good breakfast. I’m not normally a breakfast person, it’s my least favorite meal of the day, but everyone says it’s the most important one, so I figured I’d pay a little extra attention to it this morning while I had some time.
So I put together an omelet:
- ½ Cup Already Cooked Chicken Sausage (I used the leftovers from the sausage bites from Christmas)
- ¼ Large White Onion Chopped
- 1 Green Onion Chopped
- 1 TSP Butter
- 2 TBSP Salsa
- 1 Baby Bell Light
- ½ Cup Eggbeaters (Equivalent to 2 Eggs)
Now my Entire Breakfast was 228 Calories & 20g Protein, 9g Carbohydrates & 7g Fat
That’s great right? That’s ¼ my Daily Protein Quota in one meal. Yay go me.
Right until I realize how much food that is! The omelet seemed huge to me!
I got about half way through to omelet and I was over it, I could have easily pushed the plate away and had nothing else to do with it. In fact I wanted too. But there was this nagging little voice in me telling me that I needed that protein and that if I COULD still eat, I SHOULD still eat, because I should get in that protein.
Now this is pretty stupid you know. I could have easily pushed that plate aside, eaten half of it, gotten 114 Calories and 10g of Protein in and then done something else later in the day to get that other 10g of Protein, hell I could have had a protein shake for just a few calories more and gotten 27-30g of protein instead of the 10g I got eating the rest of that omelet. But they keep telling me that it is better to eat your protein than to drink it. (They being the surgeons office)
Right, so I ate the rest of the omelet, though I could have done without ½ of it, just to get in that quintessential protein. Then I sit here asking myself, did I make the right choice? No asking myself is putting it mildly, I sit here second guessing myself, beating myself up and trying to figure out if it was the right thing to do.
I find myself constantly worried that I’ve stretched my pouch, that I’ve made my opening too big, because I CAN eat ½ Cup to a Cup of food EASILY as long a I go slow and chew it. Because I CAN guzzle 8-16oz of water and not have any problems. Sometimes I wonder if the stress of worrying if I screwed this all up and destroyed my pouch early out is going to give me an ulcer, I know it’s close to giving me a panic attack.