Yes I have them. I have them bad. Lately I have been struggling HARD with the whole not smoking thing. I will admit that I broke down and had a cigarette. 8 months of not smoking and I was stupid and broke down and had one and ever since it’s CRAZY hard not to go back. I’ve been trying to find other things to keep my attention keep my focus and keep me busy.

Yes I just know all of you reading this are pulling your hair out right now and want to bitch slap me. Heather is going to freak and want to kill me. my mother is going to be so disappointed. Tom is going to tell me I should have known better, and Steven is going to tell me that I need to not abuse things. I know, I know, now the question is HOW do I make it stop, that horrible craving for a cigarette after having just ONE? Okay maybe two or three at this point… Gah, I am so disappointed in myself, really. I’ll figure it out. I don’t think it’s really the actual cigarette I want I think it’s the outlet, so I think I’m going to order some of the non nicotine water vapor packs to go with the BLU Electronic Cigarette that I bought a year and half ago to try to quit back when I went to visit Tora and Colin and go to the NKOTB concert.

To stay positive though let’s talk about the GOOD things I did today. I found a IPOD APP called Pillbox that I just love. It lets me program in all my vitamins and then it’s like a virtual pill box, I can mark them off as I take them and it sends me notices if I miss something. I dig it.

I met with the woman that is going to be my new Personal Trainer today. Her name is Suzie Hamann, and she’s based out of Wilsonville, very close to where I live, she has a private gym in her garage, a very nice one in fact and she’s super cool. I was so excited about meeting her that I schedule my first session with her for TOMORROW! Tomorrow at 5pm. I have a funny feeling this woman is going to kill me in the gym, but, that is exactly what I need. I’m going to be working with her 2x a week which means I won’t be walking 4.5 miles or more accurately doing 4.5 miles on the Elliptical on those days. I’ll still be swimming at night though. You can check out Suzie’s website TYM 4 ME FITNESS, I’m sure I will be sharing A LOT more about her in the months to come. I’ll probably be whining a bit!

I’ve started trying to eat a little bit of carbohydrates about 15-30 minutes before I start working out to see if that helps give me more energy to get through the work out. Last night I took two Wasa Crisp & Light 7 Grain Crackers and put a wedge of the Sonoma Jack Light Pepper Jack Cheese on it and ate half of it 15 minutes before I swam and the other half right after I was done and it HELPED with that seriously famished feeling I have right after swimming, it didn’t make it go away and I still came home and had my Salami Crisps which is just some Light Dry Italian Salami with a wedge of the Sonoma Jack cheese spread on each slice, thrown in the microwave for 45 seconds to melt the cheese and get the Salami crispy and then topped with a dollop of horseradish mustard. I’ll take a picture next time I make them and post it. They are ridiculously good, fast and easy and I LOVE them right after I get home from the gym. And they are 85 Calories and sport 9 grams of protein; it’s a quick and easy favorite of mine for sure.

Tonight for dinner was some of the Smoked Salmon I picked up before Christmas for Jason to make a salmon dip he likes, which I didn’t eat any of, it was just too rich for me, but he loved it. I had him save me a little hunk of the Smoked Salmon though and I had it for dinner tonight with a small salad and some of Shelly’s Cucumber Dill Refrigerator Pickles. It was a quick, easy, dinner and that Salmon was rocking 16.5 grams of protein.

For breakfast I had the last of the Sausage Pancake BitesBacon Pancake Bites and Breakfast Bites that I made on Christmas. So those are all finished up now. I had to throw the rest of the Pancake bites away, I should have only made one batch, I know better next time, I should have frozen the second batch but it just didn’t occur to me at the time.

Alright, time for me to throw my gym bag together and get that waterproof MP3 player ready to play while I swim, gotta load it up with some good tunes to swim too.